making new connections is hard af

i grew up, i matured, i know that i'm able to socialize like others, but it's all so hard. it just feels wrong. not the same. not at home. i don't feel anything anymore, it's all dull and i can't remember what happened yesterday. i'm not hopeless but.. i don't know. it just feels like i can't go on without some force i had in me back in the days.