although it would be better to kill me.

God, why am I writing here? God, why am I writing here? I don't understand. We were talking lovingly just now, and I suggested playing together, but she refused. although I know that after our conversation she will go play with her. and because of this I feel even worse. I don't although I know that after our conversation she will go play with her. and because of this I feel even worse. I don’t understand who I hate more. her, love, and myself in general. I just want to die plz