A childhood dream, the sweetest sin
10 ноября 2023 г., 18:37
i love my father. it's not like i could truly hate him even if i ever wanted to or thought i did. and I'm sure he doesn't hate me. it's just that sometimes it feels like he does.
in the way i can't be in one room with him without feeling scared and helpless.
in the way his touch feels foreign and unwelcome, cold.
in the way his eyes look empty when he asks me what he did wrong.
in the way my mom told me once "don't be mad at him, he was young and didn't know any better. you were our first child."
"don't hold grudges, one day he will be dead and you'll regret it."
"don't cry, he didn't mean it. he loves you."
in the way i could've been a "daddy's girl" if only he knew how to love me without shattering my defenceless childish hopes.
and i still crave the simple warmth of "I'm proud of you" so i could keep pretending he loves me as much as i once loved him.
Примечания:
Написано в сентябре 2023.
