Два удачливых дебила, или как правильно загадывать несколько желаний после смерти

- Why the fuck would we cook?! We can go eat at the guild! – one voice shouted angrily. - Fuck your stupid guild! You think I’ll forget that Luna gave us some shitty quest that easily?! – an equally angry response followed immediately. – I won’t deal with the same shit anymore! Those screams were the thing that woke up YunYun, a newcomer to the Adachi Fanclub. She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her eyes, waking up completely. Yesterday still felt like a dream to her… But, when the Crimson Mazoku found herself in the same bed, in the same house where she was officially accepted into a party, she squeezed the edge of the blanket with joy. A smile appeared on her face, she was so happy that what happened wasn’t a dream after all. After quickly getting ready, YunYun left her room, and… - If you want to go so much, go alone! – the student slammed the desk. - Yeah, like hell! – Kosaku shouted in a displeased voice. – Come with me! You know full well that I can’t order food by myself! - Go learn how to do that, then! – Dogiev crossed his legs, intending to stay in the house, but in a second… – Hey-hey-hey! What are- W-w-what the hell are you doing?! – the guy got very nervous when his friend lifted a chair he was sitting on without even breaking a sweat. And, at that very moment… - G-good morning! – YunYun exclaimed as she entered, bowing slightly. Right after saying this, she grabbed the edges of her pajamas, nervously fiddling with them. - Oh, good morning, YunYun! – Aslan smiled as calmly as he could, while still panicking because of the position he was in. - Mornin’. – Kosaku said calmly. – YunYun, we’re going to the guild. Wanna join us? - Hey-hey, YOU’re going to the guild! I was going to cook something! - Shut up! – Dogiev’s friend shushed at him. - I-I’d love to, b-but… – Crimson Mazoku lowered her head, looking at the ground. – M-Megumin and I were supposed to have a c-competition today… - Ah, just forget about her. – the guy managed to jump off the chair without hitting anyone or anything (Kosaku put the chair back in its place after that). – I’m sure she’ll come running to you if you leave her alone for a while. – he chuckled. - R-really? I thought Megumin wasn’t like that… - Heh, well, she probably won’t literally run to you begging for a competition, but I’m sure that she’ll come to you if you don’t visit her for a while. – the student rubbed his chin, getting lost in thought. – Though, she’ll probably come to check if we are holding you hostage… Just as the conversation was about to continue, someone knocked at the door. After getting slightly startled, Dogiev glanced at his friends, who, without saying a word, managed to convey that they expect him to greet an unexpected guest. Letting out a loud groan, he rolled his eyes, then went to the door. - I wonder who that is… – the guy sighed. As soon as the lock was unlocked… - Ow! – the student got slammed into the wall with a door… - Aslan Dogiev! Is Aslan Dogiev here?! – Sena came flying into the room, with two guards accompanying her. - Well, Sosa’s here… – Kosaku said nervously. - Ouch… – the student groaned in discontent, getting himself out from behind the door. – Ladies and gentlemen, let’s calm down and talk this out… But, the prosecutor and her assistants immediately reacted to hearing his voice. - Get him! – the strict lady loudly said the command. - Yes! (х2) - Ow-ow-ouch! – Dogiev shouted in pain, while being pressed against the floor, and then getting his hands cuffed. – Come on, not that rough! I'm not even resisting! His friends wanted to interfere, but… - Don’t get in the way of justice! – Sena shouted. – If you want to go to jail so bad, then go ahead! This was enough to stop women's part in Adachi's Fanclub. After lifting Dogiev up from the ground, the guards kicked him as «bonus part» and then went out with him. - Wh… W-What's even going on?! – finally asked YunYun. - Your partner is being accused of theft. That's all what I can say to you. – having written something down, the prosecutor turned around and headed for the exit. – I'm sorry for the trouble, have a great day. – the door was closed normally this time. Nevertheless, this situation left the Adachi Fanclub speechless. - Theft, huh? – said Kosaku while being lost in thoughts. – Why he had to steal something, when we have a lot of money? …Wait! Fuck!! - …? – YunYun looked puzzled at her tense friend.

***

- Can I at least know why- Ow!! – the guy got pushed in his cage, getting his hands freed from his cuffs. After getting back up, he dusted himself off and threatened the guards with his fist. - Oh, you son of a bitches, I'm gonna remember that! If I'm gonna be innocent, I'll sue you for the rest of your lifes! I'll ask for crazy compensations, that you'll go insane paying them!! – the guards only shook their heads at these threats, and someone in the distance even laughed under his helmet. After calming down a bit, Dogiev angrily showed the middle finger to the prosecutor who came up, then sat down against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. - You motherfuckers… I didn't even do anything, and already got in jail… – he almost whispered in anger. - Whether you did something or not, we will find out in court. – Sena said sternly. – in the meantime, you can mentally prepare. - «mentally prepare» my ass… – silently said student. – You fucking bitch… Thus passed the first minutes of Aslan’s imprisonment. At first, he was really angry, sitting against the wall angrily, but, after a while, he began thinking of what he even could be jailed for. Of course, he couldn't find any reason at all. All the things he was doing, nor Kosaku's, which was probably also why he been caught, was in any way illegal. It was more the opposite, Adachi Fanclub's actions were more good for the society, than illegal. Yet, by completing a variety of quests, such as frog quests, adventurers not only provide the city with food, but also make walks outside the walls of Axel safer. Also, the extermination of monsters ensures the safety of livestock, which could easily be eaten by the same amphibians that sometimes wandered onto farms. Still unable to understand anything, the young man only grew angrier. They couldn't just throw him behind bars! Absolutely not! Just as he wanted to continue remembering more diligently, he suddenly heard a familiar voice... - Я тебя запомнил! Запомнил, слышишь?! Когда я отсюда выберусь, я тебе зад надеру, не сомневайся! – с каждой секундой этот голос становился всё ближе и ближе к камере, в которой сидел студент. Очень скоро показался и сам обладатель голоса, которого вели двое стражников. К удивлению Догиева, это оказался хорошо знакомый ему по новелле (и по жизни в этом мире) «блондинистый идиот» Даст. Буркнув ему что-то недовольное, охранники отперли клетку и, выслушивая тонну проклятий в их адрес, закинули блондина внутрь. По-быстрому закрыв дверь, стража поспешила уйти от чересчур буйного заключённого, который принялся яростно долбить по железным прутьям, не переставая проклинать уходящих. Когда светловолосый парень наконец успокоился, он заметил, что в камере всё-таки не один. - Ну здарова. – легко ухмыльнулся темноволосый юноша. – Какими судьбами? - О-о-о! – радостно выдал Даст и, подсев к знакомому, охотно пожал ему руку. – Да вот, Казума снова попойку устроил, начал всем навык кражи демонстрировать… - Тогда какого чёрта здесь ТЫ, а не он? - Я как раз хотел сказать, как я здесь оказался! – довольно ухмыльнулся блондин. – Я попытался продемонстрировать свой навык кражи! Только вот… - Только вот…? – невольно повторил за ним Догиев. - …Я не владею магическим навыком кражи… - … – студент мгновенно догадался, что произошло и осуждающе уставился на соседа по камере. – Ты стащил чьи-то трусы, твою мать? - Нет-нет-нет! Не надо на меня так смотреть, я не вру! – сразу же замахал руками Даст. – В этот раз на меня просто вызвали стражу за домогательства… К тому же, я тогда был нетрезвым! В таком состоянии, я никогда в жизни не смог бы с кого-то нижнее бельё стащить! Особенно без магии!! - Мне кажется, ты и с магией не смог бы ни у кого нижнее бельё стащить… – вновь несколько презренно уставился на собеседника Аслан. – Тебе просто не так бы везло, как Казуме. Хотя… Это вряд ли можно назвать везением, слухи про него всё-таки далеко не самые хорошие ползут…