Change of Heart
28 октября 2024 г., 17:08
28/10/2024 20:12
Welcome to Black parade.
Just sent my application for Chevening. fUCK IT, how it’s done, I roll, we roll
Feeling so much energy, need to place it so much. I just read the message from 16/09, well no shit break-up happened. Rinat may brought it, but from law of attraction and universal perspective, I let it happened. I got scared, he got scared, we both got scared. Now I am fucking impatient, that’s not the way, gotta calm down, breath. Meditate, I gotta medidate. At this point I am not dealing with life challenges, family issues, involvement with work, what the hell. They will never break me. Listen here. I don’t care, we’ll carry on.
I roll on my own, I don’t know what direction to move, I am feeling so done, I am overwhelmed with emotions. Had first break-up is bringing so many feelings, not pleasant ones for sure. The book I am reading is telling to substitute negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Positive thoughts are much more powerful than negative ones. Savior of the broken, beaten and the damned. Fuck, gotta save myself first. So much in mind, cannot differentiate then, I am in fucking storm of thoughts, I will carry on, as long as heart continues. Remember, misery and hate will kill us all, just carry on.
I need to release this energy so much, I feel i gotta pee. I feel too many things. I want to feel hope, I want to feel happiness, I want to feel rested and not bothered. I need to release everything in me. I want to scream and yell and punch and break everything apart. I want to destroy everything, want to world fucking end. Alright, pee break, let’s try to breath.
I punched air, heard my intense breathing, feeling a bit released and eased. Before it was too much. Punching fell nice. Alright, let’s do this for now. I am in process of this experience, this experience will unravel in it’s own timeline, it gonna be released. I am feeling released about this. Let’s do step by step what I am thinking and what I am feeling.
What popped in my head? Change of heart, alright, let’s feel it. God, it actually feels good, feels like a hug, an intense hug, a long intense hug with Rinat, feel dizzy and shivers through my body. I see RINAT smiling at me, see him smiling during climax and sex, I feel easy and dizzy. I enjoy this feeling, I feel relieved. Feel good. feel rested actually. Light electricity under my skin from the hug with Rinat. Listeting and seeing is slightly muted. Wow.
With this relaxed state I am going to send this paragraph to myself, to Universe, everywhere possible, and call it a day. I am doing to watch New Girl and enjoy time before my flight and enjoy time today and hopefully tomorrow.
Practice this. Catch the thought and feel it. This is hust woow.
Так, видимо все таки надумала делать фанфик. И как я себя чувствую по этому поводу? Чувство согласия. Я хочу писать писать свои мысли и чтобы Вселенная читала. Я открываю занавес
