Мысли и события

      The evening is magnificent although the stifling heat is not asleep. The air is felt like a duvet covering the dry dusty streets in the attempt to calm them down. However, the summer nights are quite far from motionless atmosphere and the silence of winter. Inns, clubs, caffes brightly shine, attracting walking people and frightening other with the deafening music. There was no calm place on the street. Is there any holiday today? I don’t know. Seems like they celebrate the death of the Dark Lord and completely forget about conspiracy. Every inch is saturated with the spirit of joy and energy and this night the life is in the full swing which heavily contrasts with the latest events.       The work day is over and there is no need to stay in stuffy room anymore and even sweltering metropolis seems to be better rather than to stay indoors. I am going through overcrowded street and trying to escape the cacophony that comes from drinking establishments and those, who used to attend such places. Maybe it was better not to go along the embankment, but nothing can be worse than to walk through the city center.       The noise of streets unfortunately cannot distract me from my own thoughts. Each day becomes darker and more unpredictable. What else will be closed in the nearest future? What thing will they prohibit next? The rent is sky-rocketing. How am I going to pay for that next month? The future is painted in dark and depressive colors and its grip can be easily felt around my neck. I cannot escape the feel of phantom fingers that tightly hold me and don’t give a chance to breathe. Problems, that are arriving each minute, follow me wherever I am going. There is no escape, no chance to be lost in the magnificence of the last working day of that week.       The bridge is near and I speed up to leave such vibrant and garish colors of the embankment and enter the calm and dim park. I used to go there since I started to dance again and each time when I have the chance I come back just to dissolve among the crowd and forget about everything at least for several hours. I linger for a moment, enjoying the frame in front of my eyes. The sun rays pierce the glass walls of the bridge filling the air with last light of that day and painting everything in golden and warm orange shades. Even dust that circling in a nearly motionless space is shining like in the attempt to parody small sparkles of fire. The water underneath seemingly participates in this challenge changing its dark color to all shades of crimson and orange. Unwittingly the childish fable comes to my mind where foxes took matches and set fire to the blue sea. This fleeting thought so radically differs from the doom monotonous flow of others that I cannot hold myself from smiling.       The earthy fragrance of plants and tree barks is diluted with the fresh scent of roses, inebriating visitors of the park and making them stay for a while like bees, who are sticking in the honey. My way leads to the embankment, precisely to the small platforms, located closely to water. The music is still quiet, but the evening just has started. Some couples have already been practicing waltz on the first platform, the second is occupied by hastl dancers, but I need the third one. The crystal smell of water removes the haze of floral and woody scent, helping to breathe fully and unclenching the grip of day’s anxieties. In a moment I join people in the third platform and drown in the music.       I do not know how much time has passed since the beginning of the evening, but the sun set and moved over to let the darkness of night fully takes the sky, when I finally see him. A year has passed from our last meeting. He is smiling so bright as it was last summer. I catch his eye and smile back. We are again at the same place, overcrowded by dancing couples. The heady rhythm making the body move, saturating it with the energy. He is going to me through the crowd dodging from accidently thrown arms. Now in several seconds he is here right in front of me, extending the arm knowing, that I will accept it. No words are needed.       We are trying to find some free space on the dance floor. Anyway, the free space during summer night party sounds oxymoronic, doesn’t it? Fortunately, we are able to find some place at the outskirt of the crowd close to the water. For one second, I am afraid. Is it possible to resurrect those feelings I experienced with him previously? But the music starts and I am relaxing. I see how he is looking at me. The calm and confidence are clearly visible in his eyes and that is enough.       I keep my back tight as well as arms, creating a frame for leading, although the minor tension makes me unready for following the partner. His arm slides smoothly from my shoulder up to my palm. The intro ends and the real dance starts. Figure by figure we are swirling around getting closely and in the next second moving away. He leads, I follow.       Madrid step, shadow position, double turn and now we are standing face to face closely. The sensual part of the song is coming and we follow. No one from us leads, but the music. Only it exists among the madding crowd and only thing I feel is our emotions that reflects each other. This dance is an intimate moment between us, despite the fact that we are totally surrounded by dancing couples and several dozens of those, who are waiting for invitation. This moment belongs only to us and no one else.       I cannot keep my smile. Fast exit from close position seems too abrupt, but I caught it and did perfectly. I cannot stop laughing while emotions are oversaturating me. I unite with the music. No, we unite it together. I am not thinking or waiting for the end of the dance. I’m here in the moment as a part of harmony.       I feel the end of that, how it is coming. I don’t want to leave this moment, but the time is inexorable. We stopped in the final position. The blush seems to stick to our cheeks and sweat runs down from our faces. He gives me the last smile and a final hug as a gesture of respect. Nothing more. I did not expect something else because we’ve never talk previously, but I was completely wrong. The quiet whisper reached my ears: “see you there next summer”. The charm of the moment has passed bringing me back to the real world with all those terrors. I smile back to him and leave the platform.       I do not come neither next summer, nor next five years. The thoughts that I tried to hold flooded my mind when I left the park and the decision was taken. In two days’ time, I have been sitting on properly packed suitcases holding the one-way fly ticket. I left the country because there was no chance to live without being imprisoned, to live freely without tightening grip of the government. Everything is in decay. After the last dance it became crystal clear.       The government went mad and imposed inhuman laws trying to suppress all kinds of civil disobedience. I saw no point to fight, just left the country to start a new life, but it was impossible to forget those minutes of dance. Five years of immigration have passed in the blink of an eye and now, when the previous government was overthrown, I came back for millions of reasons and at the same time with no aim. I do not know exactly what I am searching for. Everything is so familiar and simultaneously alien just as a reflection in a distorting mirror. I am going there, to the only place which remained pristine, crossing the same embankment and the bridge which is again overwhelmed with the sunlight.       The smell of rose garden within the park welcomes me, evoking happy memories. I hear the music and cannot resist its call. There is something inevitable in how I’m acting. The dance party has already started like nothing happened during those years, like it is the only place of stability in the chaos of the real life. I’m trying to find the eyes I have not seen for such a long time, but cannot. He is not here and maybe never be. I do not know what I expected to have. I even do not know his name. But the party loses all its attractiveness in a moment. I’m turning around with the strong intention to go back home for having no reason to stay, but so familiar voice breaks through the veil of music and makes me freeze in the middle of the pavement.       I cannot believe my ears or other feelings. Even my mind objects the possibility of that. How can he stand behind me after those five years? I am turning my head and catch the same glance of black eyes, which were full of laugh. - You are late, - he repeats. The shock dilutes in the laughter and sincere joy of meeting. - I cannot believe that I see you again. Seems like you froze in time. You look exactly like five years ago, - I am poking fun.       He is coming close like nothing has happened and I was late just for 15 minutes but not for those years. - I cannot miss the dance with you, - said he stretching the hand to me as an invitation. No words are needed. I am home.