vanum

people who refuse to accept death are those who become villains that's how you see yourself — or in a public eye who are you really? a villain or mayhaps a tragic hero, a misunderstood soul or simply a gray mass of regrets and childishness that won't allow you to ever become anything more than a self-fufilling joke and the more you tell this joke the more real it sounds, the more terrifying when was the last time you've been at a funeral? when you were a kid then you skipped your best friend's wake and now they call you cold-hearted and ungrateful "oh, i don't feel so good" "oh, i have to study for the exam" "oh, i just don't want to go" and you don't want to go because it's always miserable and awkward and that doesn't mean you didn't care for your grandpa — you loved him dearly and you have his pocket watch now — but all you can do is to stare at the sky and think       "i'm next" it's not really the horror of not existing, it's more of a fear of being unable to explore the world around you if you were to wake up tomorrow in the form of a conscious cloud that no one can see, you would not mind all that much but you think you are cursed, and they think you don't care "everything i love dies", you say and there it is, there's the joke: everything dies — regardless but it's your way of making yourself meaningful a masochistic form of self-actualisation it was supposed to be a different story a story of how people who can't accept death become villains because they are looking to cure it but accidentally stray from the path because they try and try and try again and they fail every time for Death is inescapable and absolute so in the end they decide to destroy something beautiful to feel alive again and it just spirals down from here but that sounds a bit heroic and you are no hero you are empty you are simply a bad omen